What Makes You an Expat?

Being married to an Omani man, surrounded almost entirely by Omanis, or at least, Muslim women who are experienced in dealing with Arabs and living their lives in the Gulf, my identity is hard to distinguish sometimes.

I was never terribly patriotic to the land of my passport. Even as a child I knew, I belonged somewhere else, and my life was always going to be somewhere far away and unexpected. People always say expats are either a worthless or a romantic type of breed. You JUST KNOW this. Some people just belong somewhere, and when they find that place, they just know.

Others are boundless, but these are the rarest form of man. I wouldn't ever say I am boundless.

My home is certainly Oman. And the majority of my culture is Islamic and even Omani, nigh 90%, while I know Omanis whose culture is only around 60%, but still, I am not Omani. I am not even 30% the country of my passport, but I am not 100% Omani either.

So I still consider myself kind of an expat. An Omani expat, for in my home country, to all apearences, I am certainly Omani, but I am still someone not 100% on the inside.

A close family friend said it is a gift, to be able to walk between worlds and relate to people of all walks of life, to the most fabulous, to the most humble, and find one's self most at home with the humble, but at ease with the great. I guess this is my gift. I find it easy to adapt and relate to almost anybody. But it doesn't make me anymore an Omani, or any less of an expat.

Does it?

MOP says just because I am married to an Omani, I am an Omani, and it is a simple as that. For my most of my Omani girlfriends, it IS as simple as that.

If the girl is from Dakliyah region but her husband is from al Batinah, she becomes an Al Batinah girl. The girls say, this is only rare for Dhofari girls, and they reason, maybe that is why they marry only Dhofaris.

I think it is more like my parental culture. I am not my husband and he is not me. Together we are something more.

My Omani husband veiws us as one and same. That is his culture.

I don't think one is better than the other, but I think my identity is of an Omani who is an expat, no matter what country they go to.

I started thinking about this after reading Nadia's post one, YOU KNOW YOU"VE BEEN TOO LONG IN OMAN WHEN http://dhofarigucci.blogspot.com/2010/12/15-signs-you-might-have-been-in-oman.html

And I remembered the comment's on Jet Driver's blog on this post. From JD: What gives you away as being a newbie expat in Oman: http://muscatjetdriver.blogspot.com/2010/02/experiences-you-must-have-before-i-will.html

I don't know why really. It is not so important to me really, to know my identity, for I truly believe that only the shallow know themselves, but I have to assert what I am not, when people claim "you are an Omani girl now", for at least I know what I am not, even if I do not comprehend wholly what it is exactly that I am.

JOKE: What is the difference between an Omani Wife and an expat wife?

My husband and I were joking on this, after a weekend of fighting over nothings.

What is the difference for an Omani man, of being married to an expat wife, as opposed to an Omani wife, from his tribe?

Difference #1

Husband says to the Omani wife, "Come here, habibti, I want to show you something."

Oman wife comes.

Omani Husband says to the Expat wife, "Come here, Honey, I want to show you something."

Expat wife [okay, it's a defensive OPNO] screams, "You can't make me!"

Difference #2

Husband says, during an expedition shopping for household goods in the Souq, "I really think this one is nice."

Omani wife, puts it in the basket, and they buy it.

Husband says, during an expedition shopping for household good in the Souq, "I really think this one is nice, and you said wanted soft and warm and not too expensive."

Expat wife [looks at Husband like he's an idtiot]. "And I also said NOT UGLY. Nothing THAT ugly is going on my bed." [They leave with nothing].

Hehehe.

Family Meddling in Marriages in Oman

Sometimes I am kind of happy that I am an Orphan in the Islamic sense, when I hear stories of horrible families, abusing their daughter's rights.

MOP was telling me a story about a girl from Jebel Akhdar whose family married her when she was seventeen to an old man who was 80. She didn't really have a say, unless she wanted to be cast out by the tribe and family.

From my friend, we'll call her Rayan: "If we Omani girls go against our families, even if we commit no sin and do something that is good for us, it is as if we have committed adultery, or worse. No matter how good and liberal you think our families are. My mother loves you, but if you were her daughter, she'd never have allowed your marriage to MOP. Wrong tribe. Wrong job."

And Rayan is from Muscat.

I always say to myself, if I was her, the girl from Jebel Akhdar, I would have stood up for myself and run away, but if you don't have a job, and your family keeps you from learning the skills needed to provide for yourself, what can you do? And she didn't have any skills, just barely her schooling, so...

One of her male highschool teachers apparently thought to save her from this fate because he felt sorry for her in this situation, by marrying her as a second wife, but he didn't have the money for her maher.

He was a decent age, only fifteen years her senior, and kind I suppose, but I mean, doesn't a young girl deserve some options in life?

So I ask my husband about our sons and daughters. Ours sons could marry as they choose he says, even though his brother did not marry a [very white] Zanzibari girl he loved because of the fact that she was not "A Real Omani" and it could bring shame to the family, and no one would want to marry their daughters to the family anymore, and that it would be worse for them men of the family to marry a black skinned woman than to marry an Omani woman who did not wear a headscarf or abaya.

I get angry, wallah. This is not my religion. This is not Oman as I love Oman.

"What of our daughters?" I enquire. One always should, before marriage, if they want to know what kind of man their husband is.

My husband relents that he'd possibly allow a black man who was a good Muslim of good reputation who was amazingly secure and wealthy marry one of his daughters, but it would be unaccepted by the village. But in this case wealth was important because no one would accept them.

And then MOP was an idiot for a bit and tried to tell me that the Prophet Mohamed SAW never married his daughters to an African man or non Arab.

"He said "Salman Al Farsi [a Persian] is of my family!"" I retort to such tactics in anger.

MOP nods in agreement and says that is why he loves me, that he WANTS me to change some things in his village, after I stop BEING the change. Right now he is the person bringing the change. I am scary CHANGE incarnate Bwahahaha. I am here people, and you can't scare me away with gossip, and fear that your husbands will all marry white women. Because don't worry, they won't. Most of your husbands have smaller minds than you.

Forgive the bitterness, it will go in time.

I just chant to myself. "I love Oman. I love Oman. I love Oman."

Believe me. One white woman is enough change for his village at this time I suppose. And they like white skin.

I've had to sister in laws ask me for whitening lotions already.

I say try sunscreen and eating lots of cucumbers. Honestly, I just want them to lay off the bleaches.

Apparently though, in case of some miracle, like the sky spells out his name, any future daughters of ours will be forbidden from marrying men of a tribe that is enemy to my husband's tribe.

I fight this. I say "races, tribes, and nations are a thing of Jahiliyia [not of Islam]. [The Prophet Mohamed said] Leave it. It is rotten."

My husband relents in case of miraculous perfect man from said enemy tribe who rejects his tribe.

To be honest, using my good judgement, I'll help my children to marry as they feel capable.

I feel I have to fight, because knowing my husband's luck, if we have a daughter, she'll take after me.

And what did MY father say when I asked him if there was anything I could do in this life that would sorely disapoint him?

"You could suppress yourself to wear a veil and convert to some strange religion like Islam."

Yes, yes, my father really did say that.

So if she's anything like me...

MOP allows he may have to make room for his bad luck;D

personal thoughts: on dealing with Omani inlaws

I am one of those people that likes for everybody to like them, and not to hurt anybody. This is impossible, I know, but I can't help it. I am just that way. Like that quote from the first page of the famous Ernest Hemmingway novel, 'For Whom the Bell Tolls', taken from the John Donne poem 'No Man is an Island':

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in Mankind;

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee.

I want everybody to be my friend and to think good things about everybody, as if in some childhood idyll before the kids in the playground got mean and would to choose to leave out other kids. I truly believe I can feel another person's suffering as if it were my own, if I think on it enough, so why would I ever want to do anything to other's that I would not want done to me?

As Eugene V Debs said, so much more eloquently than I:

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prision, I am not free.

But life is not fair. I often refuse to accept that, but it is a fact. Not everyone will like me. Not everyone will think of what causes them pain, and certainly not what causes me pain.

Right now, some people hate me without knowing me. That happens when you marry into a culture not your own. You accept it, if you are smart, you expect it, but it still doesn't kill the sting of the betrayal of finding yourself condemned without reason, reviled for nothing you have done but try to live your life doing as little evil as possible. For knowing you are the same no different, and yet... There is a divide.

But I have decided, that as I had promised myself and MOP to take all that is good from a culture, and leave all that was bad of it, I would do the same from my own. All knowledge is worth having, and all truth does not grow untrue, and I find this prayer, no matter its source, very wise, and though I have always known it, I did not heed its advice always in my life:

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And the wisdom to know the difference."

I cannot control what people will like and what they will not like. I cannot control what they think or how they feel. I guess, I am just finally wise enough to know the difference;).

What I can control is this.

I can live my life doing my best not to hurt anyone intentionally as a rule in my striving for happiness.

I can hope more than I fear.

I can pray more, and regret less, for Muslims believe Allah/God loves mankind more than a mother loves her child, or a man dying of thirst loves the taste of water.

I can breathe and be blessed with that breath, if I remember that it is mine to choose with, and maybe then I will whine and complain less.

I can try to talk less, but to say more.

And I may not be able to control the feelings of those who hate me, but I can decide me, what I feel for them.

Instead of anger, I can be understanding and have patience, and instead of hate, I can love them.

A wise woman who we'll call K (Andy, she is Christina's mother:) ) once told me,

"Never ask God to give you patience, because then He will try you with all kinds of troubles, because only harship breeds patience.

But pray instead, that He give you the strength to love all of mankind, as He has."

One very smart cookie, K is! mashaAllah. And it is the Qu'ran says:

"And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allâh (i.e. this Qur'ân), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allâh's Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islâmic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allâh makes His Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided." -Q.3:105

"O Men, We created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may KNOW one another (NOT THAT YOU MAY DESPISE EACH OTHER)."-Q.30:22

The Messenger of Allah (saw) also said, "The believers, in their love, mutual kindness, and close ties, are like one body; when any part complains, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever." [Muslim]

And "The faithful are like one man: if his eyes suffers, his whole body suffers." [Muslim]

And in all of this, to enact it rightly I suppose, is patience, and effort for understanding, and resisting to retalliate for any harm or unjust insult. I guess that is the only way to deal with anyone with a preference for an ignorance, because to do anything less, is to be numbered involved in the ignorance as well.

Ameen to K's prayer.

Quote of the day: "I don't like that the man keeps coming back here!" "Habibi, he's our waiter."

MOP [aka OPNO's Omani husband] is sitting with his arms crossed angrily and his brow furrowed. To OPNO in a low, suspicious murmur, says:

"I don't like that the man keeps on coming back here."

OPNO raises her eyebrows, casually sipping her ice water as if she hadn't a care in the world about this dangerous, perverted predator stalking the couple [and in MOP's mind, mainly with eyes for his Western wife]. To her husband, drily, as if bored, dismisses him offhand with:

"Habibi, he's our waiter."

-an endearing post about the jealousies of Omani husbands

Omani Guys Guide to Marrying a Convert Girl from the West

I was recently asked by one Omani man, and one Qatari;) (H, see if you can guess which blogger I am now, keeping in mind this blog has three authoresses from time to time), as to my advice regarding successful marriages for GCC nationals and Western Muslimah converts (like moi).


So first off, there are two kinds of convert girls marrying GCC guys.

1.) The chick who converted to Islam (or became Muslim to get an Arab dude) IN ORDER to marry the GCC guy. I don't know her success rate but in Islam, I usually find her weaker in mind that the next kind of girl who marries a GCC guy, so she is the type more likely to have marry a dud or abusive/controlling fella.


2.) The girl/woman who was already Muslim of her own decision and reasoning BEFORE she met the GCC guy. This doesn't protect her completely, but general good sense WILL.


I can only talk about the second kind.


Step #1 for success: AN INFORMED WOMAN WHO CHOOSES THE RIGHT MAN FOR HER GOALS AND BELIEFS
Well, first step is the woman has to be informed enough about Islam and life to know what marriage is, how she wants her life to basically go, what makes a good husband and who suits her. If she doesn't know all of this she isn't ready for marriage and won't be able to choose the right man.


Step #2 for success: PATIENCE IS REQUIRED ON THE PART OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE
Both spouses have to equate for their cultural differences and neither can expect to make a clone of the other into an image of their culture. No Western girl who chose to become Muslim on her own is going to become a quiet yes girl. It won't happen. So the husband, if he thinks he is really right about something (and it IS in Islam, not his culture) he is going to have to prove it and be gentle in doing so to convince his woman. She's probably willing to make a few exceptions (food, clothes, sitting on the floor, no talking to men without reason) to her own culture to ease into his, but she isn't going to be an Omani village girl ever. Accept it beforehand. It is FACT.


Step #3 for success: THE HUSBAND DOESN'T HAVE TO BE RICH BUT HE SHOULD BE STABLE AND HARDWORKING (and that means on showing attention and reassurance as well as financial)
The husband has to inspire the respect of his wife or she will not love him or listen to him. Nothing else really needs to be said.


These three things generally ensure success, but in Oman I have noticed, families pick and choose what parts of Islam they follow, and generally in a paternalistic, sexist way.


For example, did you know? It IS completely halal for women to talk to men, should there be no fear of fitnah, ie the subject and tone of conversation is kept neutral?


Narrated by Asmaa: Allah’s Apostle passed by a group of women near the mosque. He waved his hand to them in salutation and said: "Beware of being ungrateful to your husbands, beware of being ungrateful to your husbands.”

Narrated by Anas bin Malik: The Prophet passed by a woman who was sitting and weeping beside a grave and said to her, "Fear Allah and be patient."


Not in my husband's family apparently (we shouldn't talk AT ALL in the presence of any men, even to other women in quiet voices, apparently), but I am going to stand my ground on this one.
Just for one example? Why do women where abayas and headscarfs?


So they can go about their business and needs (such as lunch) even if unrelated men are present. Yet, my husband is insistant I should not order lunch unless a place has a family section. While I personally love the privacy afforded by face veils and family sections, I will not ascribe to one being a requirement of women unless they are immodestly dressed Muslimahs. Which I have a good mind not to be. Else maybe we should say women should not leave their homes at all.

MOP glares at OPNO because he knows he is being ridiculous.


Not even the strictest of the Sahaba [muslims we use as behavoural examples] did this, so it doesn't hold with evidence.


Yes boys, keep in mind, while you WERE delighted to tell you family your new convert wife has memorized Qu'ran and Sahih Al Bukhari this means you married a THINKING woman, who probably (make that definately] will not just do as told, or as the group/ village if the group/ village is sexist.

Sorry but no.

LOL, Sweetness, don't worry, I always win my arguments, unless I am, of course, wrong, and then I allow my husband the right to divorce me. In which case, I will know if he truly believes in what he is fighting for, because he simply refuses to divorce me over family section restaurants in Muscat:D and would DEFINATELY divorce me over hanging with KH. So. It is a system that works ladies, unless of course, you marry an ignorant idiot or hypocrite. In that case, you are not wrong, or maybe even he, but the marriage.

BABY CRAZZZZZZZZZZy in Oman!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

Why is it, that the first question people ask you when you get married in Oman, is, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN?" And on top of that "HOW MANY?" [BTW, all above pictured except the onsies is from Zara home, kids].

Serriously guys, chill. Why not ask, um, well, "have you and your husband managed to mesh your different cultures or ideas? How do you both veiw family and children? What are your long term marriage goals?" ect.... Children seem to be veiwed (in err) as relationship cement in Oman, and they are NOT. To use them as such is a MISTAKE. Marriage should be the foundation for family, not children and babies as the foundation for MARRIAGE.

I know soooooooooooooo many newly married Omani couples who have kids within the first 6 months of marriage, and guess what, DIVORCE. Try to be married AT least a year people, until you are sure you LIKE your spouse, before having kids, please.

I want kids. I am ready for them. Financially, best I wait maybe another year, but, well, really, it is not the first thing I am thinking of, yet if you are newly married in Oman (and a woman) there is a HUGE pressure to pop out a baby in the first year.

I think it kinda insane, especially with the majority of Omani fathers not being able to devote alot of time to their kids soooo...

Sorry to rain on your parade any inlaws prospecting the effectiveness of my fertility ratios ect, but I am leaving that a mystery. I fully accept that I may be veiwed as faulty if I don't manage a baby by next September, MOP, lol. I promise I can handle that with sass and a wink;****

Buying a Marriage on the Blackmarket

In Oman, and some other Gulf countries, it is illegal for the men who are citizens of that country, to marry women other than those who hold the same passports as themselves. Omani men can only marry Omani women. But there are those who take wives in secret from the government, as in Islam, it is allowed for a Muslim man to marry any Muslim woman regardless of her citzenship. They either found an Islamic and brave Imam who cared more for the religion than keeping his standing job position in the country [as all Imams should be] believing that only God/Allah can make things lawful or unlawful for the Muslims, not countires. If he believes other than this, well, he is not a Muslim, because it is a form of shirk/disbelief in God) to make unlawful something God has made lawful for mankind.

Please Omantel don't block me, this is true.

But most recognized Imams in Oman are cowards. No offense guys, but you are. And some of the ones left over, are creeps.

This post isn't about the cowards. Cowardice I get, I understand it. It is a sign of weak faith but I don't hate on that. Most men are cowards, husbands, even are the same. Omani girls, who don't go against their families wishes to marry the kind of man they wish to, even though it is halal to, ect... Cowardice I can live with, and just pray for ya'll to have your faith and hearts strengthed.

But creeps.

Any Imam (usually in charge of the Mosque's prayers) will know that selling things from the door of the Mosque is not allowed. The Prophet Mohamed (peace and blessings be upon him)said, “The most beloved places to Allah on earth are the Masajid, and the most hated places to Allah on earth are the Markets.” [Muslim] and “Whoever sells in the Masjid, say to them: May Allah not grant success in your sale.”

This is nothing new to people who worship and believe in God, Jews, Christians, and Muslims.

"And Jesus [Muslims call him Isa A.S] went into the temple of God [Muslims call God 'Allah'], and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves..." King James Bible, Mathew 21:12 Making sales or a business out of the Mosque is forbidden. But, some Imams are making a small business out of black market secret marriage. The average cost for a secret marriage in Muscat is 300 OMR-1000 OMR. BTW, my marriage wasn't that secret or black market bought. But a friend's story inspired me for my novel. I'll write it better but concept goes like this.

Couple seeks out an Imam they hear is willing to marry couples in love without Government permission. Imam informs them that he will marry them, but he is going to charge a "danger" fee for himself and the "witnesses" (and he's only willing to have witnesses he trusts. This is more more money than the couple has, more money even than the girl's maher (marriage dowry from the husband to her) though she offers it up to the greedy Imam.

The brave Omani man wanting to marry the girl gets an idea. He says he has the money but will have to drive to get it from the bank machine but the Imam and the witnesses can follow their car after the wedding. Imam agrees and calls his two "witness" thugs and gives the young couple their Islamic marriage document so they can preform hajj together. The Omani man takes his nervous bride and new wife with him in the car and the creepo Imam and his thugs follow close behind. The Omani man makes a salary of 270 rials a month and the girl's maher was one silver ring and a rose in a traditional box, plus 100 rials. They don't have the money in any bank machine.

The Omani man drives a certain way that he is familiar with and hails down an ROP cruiser that is always parked there and makes like he will tell on the blackmailing Imam and beg mercy from Oman's laws from the ROP guys [who probably disdain the law themselves, as many ROP men that I know have secret marriages to Philipino Muslim girls]. The creepo Imam freaks and takes off, afraid of losing his job. The Omani man then asks for directions in a touristy way to the slightly suspicious ROP men. After that is finished he turns back to his new wife and says:

"The Prophet Mohamed sallalahu alahi wa salaam said, "Whoever sells in the Masjid, say to them: May Allah not grant success in your sale."" New wife laughs nervously. "-And don't you think we said that the best way possible?" He grins.

Omani men's veiw of Women watching sports, as well as makeup and clothing

So driving with my new husband to our camping spot, I decided that after marriage was the perfect time to start a fight. You know, just mentioning all of the things I will never ever take from Omani culture. Yeah... I know, do this BEFORE marriage. But I decided, do it while he is insanely in love with me, and yet, can't back out. Not fair, but very, very smart.

"I am not going to stop wearing colour because colour is halal in Islam, amd actually of the sunnah, not always black black black, and if you try to tell me again I have to stay in the car at the gas station unless I want to completely cover my face I am going to divorce you."

I would divorce over a lipstick. He knows this. He was forewarned that I am the most stubborn woman that he is likely ever to meet. Boxie, can confirm this fact. I am also VERY-much into Islam and the subject of hijab, and well read on it, so he can't tell me something is tabaruuj (showing off to catch men's attention with one's wealth or sexuality). Omanis (most Muslims actually) have the mistaken idea that being different or the slightest bit pretty is tabarrujj. It is not. Tabarujj is flaunting wealth, social status, or in a woman's case, sexual beauty. Not the beauty of her clothes, provided they don't make a vain show of wealth. That is rooted in evidence from Quran and hadith.

H2B [now to be known as H], while knowing I have a thing for black abayas, AND covering my face ANYWAYS, still was irrationally afraid for some reason that I'd start wearing a hot pink abaya or something in his conservative village and was actually getting annoyed with me. I let him be because I think such engagements are amusing and keep me in practice for when I actually need to use my debating skills.

H: [in a huff to OPNO] "Your head and heart is a stone."
OPNO: [not the least bit phased] "Yep, am not a clay Omani girl you can mould into whatever you want. And another thing, I am still going to wear red lipstick. Divorce me if you want. But before you talk about what is halal or not for a woman to wear in Islam..."

[Now Omani girls, please keep the following line in mind for any arguements about clothes and makeup from your-acting-all-cultural husbands]

"...why don't you grow a beard first? Huh? Focuss on correcting your own faults and bad hijab before worrying about mine."
H: "."
I won. And ladies, I usually do.

Driving some more, the issue of my love of observance of certain sports came up in the form of a question from a jealous H.
H: "So.... OPNO, what do you think of watching sports like football where men wear shorts that are too short?"
OPNO: [aware this is a trap set for her] "I think it is fine for a woman. Sports like HANDBALL, and FOOTBALL are aaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyb [shame] on the Muslim men who don't cover to their knees [Muslim men are supposed to cover all the way to their knees at all times] but no shame on a woman who keep her eye on the ball instead of staring at their shorts trying to ctach of glance of the other kind of balls."
H: [bites his lip] "So you think it is haraam for men to wear shorts but okay for women to watch men playing sports in such shorts. I don't watch women's volleyball."
OPNO: "But you watch movies don't you? You see women's boobs and uncovered heads anyway. I'd rather you watch volleyball or tennis than an add on a billboard. I am going to keep attending sporting events. Don't be jealous of the teams. I promise I am not checking them out and if I happen to be overtly attracted to a thigh or anything higher, I will lower my eyes."
H: [in a huff] "I am going to start watching women's volleyball."
OPNO: [smiling at him] "I like volleyball. We can watch it together."

Ladies, never give in on what makes you who you are unless you think that thing is actually wrong. If it IS wrong, then do make the concession, but otherwise, do not give in and up, especially early on in a marriage. Or you'll be regretting it shortly after, and you'll resent the men who made you change something about yourself that you did not think was wrong.

But DO make an allowance, while discussing, that he could be right, before you put your foot down;). Sometimes, while rarely, he is.

Setting up my lux camping honeymoon: happy weekend everyone!

1.) Carpet for inside the tent, carpet for under the tent so I don't have that ugly blue tarp look going on.

2.) Set up the tent.

3.) Drag the mattress inside and make the bed and hand mosquitoe netting above.

4.)Laundry hamper storing bride's clothes used as side table, have a bowl of water and some facecloths here, as well as two fresh rolled bath towels.

5.) Lay out the traditional picnic mats outside and make a fire ring, as well as place the grill for cooking and light it up. Cooler stored behin the tent.

6.) Light candles and place them in glass lanterns in a circle around living area outside of the tent and one inside the tent. 7.) Eat very delicious camping food and enjoy the peace of being married while it lasts;)

Renting Traditional Omani Women's Dress in Muscat

In case you are, like myself, a bride without time for a tailor, and you do want to wear traditional Omani dress for a wedding (or as a guest for an Omani henna party or wedding), upstairs in CCC in Al Qurum there is a shop straight down from the Bukhoor (insence) shop over the gold domed whatever it is below, that sells and rents rather gorgeous Oman traditional dresses. Rental prices range from 40-250 Omani rials for 5 days time. Go at least 3-4 days time before to get the rental dress tailored to your figure. They also rent gold and silver plated traditional jewelry, and accessories, like designer birqas (I am going to buy some of these as they sell made to order as well----AmAZING souvenir and pretty when framed).

Weekend Planning

(The usual honeymoon is a bit different than what I wanted soooooo.....)

Planning the weekend honeymoon: I didn't get alot of days off from work, nor did H2B because I only told my work, well, when I told ya'll, so H2B & I have two days. A weekend. Not ON the weekend, weekend, by Omani standards, but...

And neither of us are big on organized tourist camping, unless we are the ones showing around the tourists (which we do enjoy). So to-do list for packing on top of all the other things one USUALLY crams into the 4x4 for camping. I really do own all this stuff for camping but RARELY pack it all:

• one tent (part of my rather traditional maher request)


• one mattress for the tent (a REAL mattress)


• one wedding blanket and one white sheet


• two pillow cases with pillows


• one laundry hamper for the bride's clothes also used as a table in the tent


• one traditional majlis couch with musada (cushions) for the inside of the tent


• one persian carpet


• one mosquitoe net


• two traditional lanterns lit by candles (of course candles and matches)


• two woven cushions for sitting around the fire outside


• traditional picnic blanket


• a grill and coal for the grill


• rope for hanging clothes to dry (every time I use a bush I get bit by something or a thorn in my thumb)


• one coffee dala (pot)


• one basket of dates


• one pot for boiling coffee


• one grill for meat


• coal for the fire


• sajadah for praying (sajadah are prayer mats)


• bowl for water for washing


• face cloths


• fresh towels


• extra palm mats


• coleman lamps


• sheet to hang for privacy


• cooler


• food
  

Daily Diary: Mabruk F&F!!! and I am going camping in Sharqiyah

Mabruk F sweetie. S force her to wear the traditional gold necklace for me! OPNO is going to Al Sharqiyah, so sends her warmest regards.

RANT: MEN AND WOMEN OF OMAN

First, I am going to complain about the women. I knew the boys first, so to their annoyances I will be loyal and recite in order.

1.) Take care of your husbands. It is an Islamic duty. That means taking care of yourself if he is to care about you. I hear the bride is on a diet to fit into her dress but after the wedding she doesn't care what she eats, if she gets fat or what not. Well she should. More so after than before marriage. Your husband wouldn't want a second wife if you took care of yourself. I have no pity on this. Most women in Oman have help from other female family members and maids if they work and have children so you can't use your children as an excuse. In Islam, a duty to raise the children with Islamic values is first, but then a duty to pleasing one's husband comes in, else the family DOES fall apart. Yes, what is on the inside counts, and counts alot. In my Western country the women care only about the outer image and their husbands leave them for Asian girls that massage and cook for them. In Oman, the men look for second wives who take care of the outide image because their first wife doesn't. There is a BALANCE ladies. Inner beauty combined with an attempt at seeking your husband's attaention and pleasure at least4 times a week is going to keep him happy. Listen to him, be interested in him, be interesting to him. Husband is going to be jealous if your wear perfume for your female visitors and shave for a wedding party but not for him. It is the sunnah and an obligation on you to make an effort, serriously.

2.) High mahers, expensive weddings, and family tribe names. These things don't equal a happy marriage or a good man so WHY are they the things you are asking for or asking/letting your family seek out for you? I know, I know, disobeying your family even for a halal or sunnah thing in Oman is the same thing as being a whore (to some) and it is the same as if you did something really wicked, but be brave. For the sake of your country, and yourselves. Change comes with one person, than your cousin, than your sister, then your children, then your country. And really, the wedding is one day. Why not invest in your future life together, ie your home, your future children's education, even a vacation for your and your husband, instead of a white wedding and hotel ballroom reservation, and expensive (and TACKY LOOKING!) kosha? Sorry. I am just very opinionated in this.

3.) Second and third wives are halal. Don't ask for divorce over this unless your husband married in secret without telling you (total disrespect and not even HALAL in most scholarly opinions unless he was unable to tell you due to him being away on a caravan for years of something rather unlikely in the age of mobile phones but whatever), or he is obviously doing it because he never loved you in the first place but was too coward to say so. Remind him second wives in Islam are not just pretty young things though, but women in general need. WIDOWED DIVORCED WOMEN NO OTHER MEN WOULD MARRY WITH CHIDLREN TO SUPPORT OR ORPHANS WITH NO FAMILIES. Do not turn these women away. In Islam, they are to be cared for, by you, as well as your husband. Want for others what you want for yourselves.

4.) If you are a widowed of divorced woman, one of the reasons men don't want divorced or widowed women is because they are afraidf they won't add up to another man. Yes, true. So don't compare, ever. Just some advice.

Not, to the men, my brothers, my friends:

1.) You can't only complain about the women of Oman. What the hell are you doing out all night at the shisha bars or hanging with your friends when you have a wife and kids at home? Once in a while is fine, on a schedule, you go out twice during the week, and one or two weekends a month with the guys. The rest should be for your family. Your wife isn't just for sex and making babies and following kids around. You got to spend time with her. The kids are yours too and need time with their father. Nothing makes me disrespect you more.

2.) BE A MAN. You don't love your cousin that your family wants you to marry? DON'T MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE! Islam says you can say no. It is your right. If you marry her, and then want to marry another girl because you don't love her but are afraid she won't be able to remarry if your divorce her (why were you so selfish and cowardly to do that in the first place to her) it is hard to pity you. You were a coward. Face up. Be brave in the first place. Don't put a girl in that position, ever.

3.) If you are going to marry another wife, try to consider how your wife will emotionally handle it. Do you both barely have enough money and time for eachother as is? Then you can't do it fairly can you, and then Islam forbids you.

4.) Also when it comes to marriage, if you had sex before marriage, don't marry a virgin, marry a woman of your like. I am serrious. The Qu'ran is pretty clear on that. The pure are for the pure.

5.) Unto the pure are for the pure and the good the good... Widowed and divorced woman in Islam are as good as a VIRGIN!!!! They are considered PURE. Yes, yes they ARE, no matter how screwed up culture is, one that says a man that sleeps around but that has never marrie dis better for him to marry a virgin than a good and pure divorced lady with taqwa, ya Allah!

RANT: I can't marry her in Islam because I slept with her

from the Shebab:

OPNO and random nameless Shebab are discussing marriage (not TO EACHOTHER!!!). Shebab says to OPNO he's only loved one girl before, but he can't marry her.

"Oh no!" Goes OPNO mentally. What other retarded cultural Omani crap (high maher, not the right skintone, not the right tribe last name) was she about to encounter?

None.

Shebab: "I can't marry her, because I am Ibhadhi [sect of Islam] and our tasfeer [understanding of Qu'ran varrying from sect to sect] says that a man cannot marry a woman he's slept with before marriage."

OPNO looks confused, but she knows exactly which part of the Qu'ran that tasfeer could come from.

"OPNO: "Because the Qu'ran says the "pure men are for the pure women and the pure women for the pure men?"

Shebab: "Exactly."

OPNO: [raising one eyebrow]. "Who are you going to marry then? A virgin?! Or some chick your friends have slept with already? I may be Sunni, but that verse is kind of obvious. That means YOU (definately not pure dude) can only marry a woman same as you. Um, the girl you loved? She'd BE that. Anyways, why do you think the ROP sometimes "force" couples caught fooling around into marriage anyways?"

Shebab looks at OPNO and wished her the best (or better) in her love life, and absorbs her thought, as strange as it is.

I don't know about the other Muslims out there, but this is strange one to me. Since I am not Ibadhi, what is a man supposed to do who had premarital sex (besides be flogged)? The Qu'ran does not allow him a virgin, and this interpretation allows him not even the girl he slept with, so is he supposed to marry a girl someone ELSE slept with, and the girl LIKEWISE? Sounds stupid to me. Sorry. Explain it if I got it wrong.

A Shebab-less OPNO? Oh NO! And cheating, from the male Omani perspective

I have alot of Omani guy friends. Correct that. Had. Sweetness of Salalah will be proud of me, but I have gone back to my Islamic self (with the exeption of still listening to music) and that means I have bid adieu to my shebab (the guys I knew before and after Islam here in Oman). Most of them totally understood and respected the decision, especially on the last note no Omani guy can argue with:

"I want to be a good muslimah like your sisters in Oman."

Even if his sister is a total you-know-whatever he'll never argue this point on you.

Anyways, I'll still get my newsfeed from them, [and yes B aka L I changed my GSM because a new life requires new fittings and that international text message was from Princess] because two have guessed OPNO's identity. WHO KNEW YOU READ ENGLISH A & Y!!!!!!!!!!!! AM soooooooooooooooo proud of YOU!!!!!! A, much love. Your kind words of encouragement meant the world to me. And Y, of course, if you want your CD back, you can come visit for that at least once more. I kinda forgot to give it back to you. And now you don't know my phone number:( M: you know what you meant. I wish you the best.

I still of course, also get to relate the many entertaining cultural bits we exchanged over the years, me and my shebab.

One was four different Omani guys (all of which I love more than breath) and their takes on cheating. Here goes:

1.) KH and L and I were discussing cheating. L is like Princess (maybe she is an OPNO too??????) and KH is an Omani guy who I'd die for. Yes, really I would. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYY?!!!! All the Omani shebab of Ras Al Hamra wonder? That is for OPNO to know, but he was her bestfriend.

L and OPNO asked KH what he'd do if he ever caught his wife cheating or in love with another man. If she was just in love with another man, his first instinct would be to make get the other man the only way he could, through her, managing her body and her life. OPNO reminds him this wouldn't fix things. He knows that, is just what he'd do. If his wife physically committed adultery and left him for another fool? He'd let her go. The two girls nodded, thinking how far from their expectation of his countenance this would be.

But this last part left L and OPNO with their mouths agape.

KH: "But if she ever tried to come back to me I'd kill her with my own hands."

2.) There was an Omani girl the boys all went to school with India. She had a boyfriend. Everyone knew it, except her cousin back home she'd marry. Before the wedding she had hymen repair surgery, married the guy, and then went right back to her boyfriend. She got pregnant NOT by her husband. The kid looks nothing like the husband but none of our shebab (who know) have the heart to tell the guy because he loves the girl completely and thinks she was only ever his. Better not to know is the mass consensus.

3.) One of the guys I counted as the bestest of the best of the Omani guys I know (still do, I prefer to think the best;) ) he's given up on marriage, because one fiance played him for a fool. Now he takes every girl as maybe cheating on something or another, even if she loves him with every breath of her being.

4.) One Omani man from Al Batinah, he loved a girl. Proposed to her after two conversations, went against his family... he loved her that much. Realizing how much he'd have to sacrifice for her, she decided to break away, because she loved him. The only way to do this was to have a secret from him so terrible she'd never be able to tell him or marry him bearing the burden of it in silence. She she decided to sleep with another man. But the Omani man from Al Batinah, he came to her home the night she was with the other man, and heard her making love to the other man. He saw and heard her with another. Yet, to this day, he loves her, and forgave her, and they are married now. Like KH though, his first reaction was the same. She was pregnant within the first month of marriage.

To all my Omani male readers: what would you do, what is your opinion, since, cheating [it IS] so prevalent in Muscat?

Omani Chests/ Traditional Boxes in Oman

For the Omani home: omani chests and traditional boxes are ornate works of wood and brass, including studs and elaborate inlaid work. Because Omani homes traditionally had no wardrobes or built-in-closets, the Omani chest is of particular importance for storing goods and clothes. Before chests were used for transporting goods. Nowadays, omani chests are used for storage of valuables particularly the bridal chest which is traditionally passed down from generation to generation and traces a history back to the 18th century.

Nowadays, for weddings the bridal gifts (maher) are often gifted to the bride in one of these boxes. They come in a variety of colours, black and tan being the most populat but also green and red. You can get a beautiful one made along the UAE border in Al Bahrimi, or purchase one from Nizwa souq. Obviously, boys, your new in-laws think bigger is better ;p if the box is being used for the maher and the maher is your bride's weight in gold;D. Sorry. Yet again I will rant against high mahers being the cause of great ill in Omani society.

Child Brides and Grooms in Oman

Just a quick question, what is the youngest marriage (Melka ect--not consumation) you have ever heard of in Oman?

Me, I know a girl who married when she was eight and the boy was eleven. Of course, they waited until they both finished Uni to be PHYSICALLY married, but they were married under Shariah. Of course, this was the work of their families.

Note*: The girl, to this day is very happy.

Am just curious. And if you know the region they were from/in, also name it. Feel free to post anonymously.

***The region the couple I know who married young are from is Dakliyah.

letter to the Sultan, to do with getting her a passport OR...

BTW, Sultan Qaboos, if you read our blog, says one member of OPNO, she will wear the above pictured birqa/mask in Omani colours for the rest of her life if you will make it a. legal for her to marry the love of her life without making her move to another country to do so [see the results of OPNO's marriage poll here http://howtolivelikeanomaniprincess.blogspot.com/2010/08/marriage-vote-do-omanis-support.html ], or b. give her an Omani passport for looking like a crazy football fan/Christmas 24/7 Majnoonah. She is also willing to cross the Rub al Khali with bare feet, or whatever else you may ask, like a storybook Sultan from a fairy tale.

The Marriage Vote: Do Omanis Support Removing the Ban on Marrying Non-Omanis

The poll is closed and results are in. I asked, "For Omanis Only: Do you support removing the ban on Omanis being able to marry non-Omanis?"

Eighty-five percent [85%] of you (though I have no way of guaranteeing you were all Omanis with valid ID cards, or that you didn't vote more than once from more than one computer---this is a blog poll afterall, NOT a National census) gave a RESOUNDING "YES".

Providing you are all Omanis, this confirms my faith and love and hopes for Oman and the country She has been and will be for the next thousand years or so (God willing, of course).

Here is where I asked for your votes: http://howtolivelikeanomaniprincess.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-for-omani-readers-ban-on.html

and here is 1 care of WHY I cared to know what ya'll thought:

http://howtolivelikeanomaniprincess.blogspot.com/2010/07/one-opnos-list-of-how-to-marry-omani.html

Of that 85% eighteen percent [18%] said they would like to see the ban removed but still be conditional, conditions being often, that the marriage be compatible with religious laws, and that age be a consideration for allowances made.

ONLY 10% of you said you didn't want it removed, that is was a way of safe-guarding your culture. I am glad. Please forgive, I am a foriegner despite loving Oman soo so so so MUCH, so I am biased.

Most shocking of all though was that 3 people readily admitted they had no educated opinion (2%). Thank you for you honesty guys! I was going to joke that when I made the poll I knew no one was going to choose that option.

I had a total of 112 votes, and here is the poll before I remove it: "For Omanis Only: Do you support removing the ban on Omanis being able to marry non-Omanis?"

Yes Islam says what country you are form has nothing to do with marriage: 76 (67%)
No it is a way of preserving our culture: 12 (10%)
With some conditions, yes: 21 (18%)
I have no real educated opinion: 3 (2%)

Thank you for participating. If you read my blog your Majesty, please take into consideration the results;). If you have any questions, leave your email address in the comments sections (of course I won't publish) and I'll give you ALL my opinions on the subject. I also welcome any and all invitations to palaces. Just so that you know;).